Grumpy Old Men (State of the Union Part Deux)

We left off last time with our Boston sports "State of the Union Adress" with me using an analogy. The analogy talked about bragging about your family members and how you want to put your best foot forward. I used the example of a son who was a recovering alcoholic as exhibit A (representing Celtics;Bruins) and a son who was a partner in a law firm as exhibit B (Red Sox; Pats).

While we cannot just ignore our failures in the winter sports community, we can certainly put a better spin on them. In this post I'll talk about the Granpa in our "Boston Sports Family Tree." You know the characteristics of the Grandpa. He has endless stories of the "glory days" that we've all heard a million times, but let him tell them anyways to feel nostalgic and alive (AKA the Boston Celtics). Stories of the greats such as Bill Russel, Havelichick, Bob Cousy, the big three (Bird, McHale, Parish), and down the line. Stories of teamwork and greatness are always the theme of these fables. I've always heard about it all and how I've missed out.

As a Boston Celtics fan recently, besides a couple trips to the playoffs with Antoine "A three pointer looks good from here" Walker and Paul Pierce, its been a struggle. More then a struggle actually. The Celtics developing into a viable contender has been like watching Gollum lead Frodo to whatever mountain they have to go to destroy precious or whatever. Just get to it already! Its a little different I guess because instead of a little green creature leading the way we have general manager Danny Ainge. And this journey is more like a nature walk with a lot of pit stops.



Some quick points I have not understood about the Celtics decisions recently:

1. This blunder was during the pre-Ainge era but I have to point it out either way for its rediculousness. The 2001 draft. I just do not get it. 3 picks in the first round and big opportunities to make strides. I am not discounting the fact that they made it to the Conference finals the next year, but lets just say it was not due to their draft picks. They drafted Kedrick Brown as a lottery pick. Kedrick Brown! Do you know who he is? I sure don't. This was a worse pick then me renting Alpha Dog starring Justin Timberlake tonight. Jesus christ. Either way, next we picked up Joe Johnson. This kid showed great talent, but the C's decided to trade him away for Rodney Rogers and Tony Delk for their playoff push that year. I cannot totally blame them for this move. The run they made that year was exciting and put some life into the Fleetcenter (which is very hard to do). For their final pick that draft they took Joseph Forte. Yup him. I caught up to Joseph recently at Building 19 to ask him how his stock room job was going.... Meanwhile there was talent to be had in this draft. I just felt the need to point this out.
   

2. Blowing it all up. After the aforementioned playoff seasons in the beggining of the decade we hired Danny Ainge as our new general manager. Ainge and all of us knew that even though the C's were a fun and scrappy playoff team that they were not a serious contender. Consequently, he blew it all up. He made some moves that put us back, but we understood it needed to happen. He traded Walker to retool and get some role players. However after a couple dreadful seasons Ainge decided to bring Walker back. This was weird. I thought the whole point of getting rid of Walker was to retool and get younger. Now we had a starting five of including players that were on the back nine of their career. Gary Payton was old. Raef Lafrentz was a statue. Walker still had some gas left, but was a role player who didn't realize it yet. Naturally we lost to the Indiana Pacers in the first round of the playoffs. This just took away a lot of the credibility Ainge had.



I was made promises this year though. Sure they sucked, but we had a draft coming up that could save the franchise. We were the second worst record this year in the NBA. Some theorists believe this was partly done on purpose in order to retrieve one of the two heralded prospects coming out in this year's draft (Greg Oden/Kevin Durant). Unfortunately on May 22nd the Celtics and their die hard fan base realized tanking basketball games doesn't guarenttee anything. God damn lottery system...



We did not get the first pick.

We did not get the second pick.

Crap.

Wait a minute, we did not get the third pick.

*Stomach getting upset*

Surely we would get the fourth pick.

No dice.

.....and the fifth pick in the draft goes to the Boston Celtics.


This was a nightmare. Terrible. The Celtics were now faced with a huge decision. We still had Paul Pierce who is a top 20 player in the league. We could either deal him for more young talent or deal off all the assets Ainge had acquired.

Draft Day.....

The Celtics make a deal for Ray Allen. Allen is a five time all-star shooting guard. Not of the pedigree of Pierce, but he still has a good game. I'll admit I was a little tipsy during draft night. I went to see the new Die Hard movie with a couple of buddies and had a few to many drinks beforehand. When I got word of the deal after the flick, I was excited. I thought to myself, "Ok they have committed to winning now." We did not have to give up that much to get Allen as well. In fact, we still had big Al Jefferson. I went to bed feeling good...

Hangover city: Population me. I was hungover and I realized that the excitement I had felt for the Ray Allen deal was induced by the alcohol and the fact that Live Free or Die Hard was amazing. These two "drugs" must of clouded my judgment. We did not have another superstar. We did not get Kobe or Kevin Garnett. We got Ray Allen. A 32-year old shooting guard who just had double-ankle surgery.

Now we were in an even worse state: NBA purgatory. We would be good enough to get into the playoffs, but not good enough to win a championship. This seems familiar; probably because this is the same state Ainge claimed we were in when he took over and that we must blow it up to get to a different level.

Ainge quickly became the laughing stock of the league along with the Celtics then he did something drastic. He cashed in all of the chips and acquired the "Big Ticket." Kevin Garnett: a Celtic. Amazing. In the span of two months things went from the Granpa who did not know what month it was; telling the same stories to something new. Something scary; yet so interesting one cannot comprehend it. We had a new big three wearing green. Garnett is a presence, Pierce is a playmaker, and Allen is a great third option.

Each of these stars had led their teams to the postseason and has been "the man." Where did that get them; no where.

So for now the Celtics have changed their family member status from Granpa to that sketchy second cousin whom has just found out about some great investment. Maybe its a really good buy on a car that looks great or its a company that is supposed to make waves on Wallstreet. Maybe it was the next great company like Apple or maybe it is a company like in Bolier Room. Either way you do not know if you should go along for the ride, but a big part of you loves the feeling.....









This was I wrote as a draft over the summer. Before my hiatus.


Needless to say Ainge made out big with his deals. In fact, he continued to reel and deal even after these big moves were made. Ainge was like Ari Gold, selling Boston as if it were the next great American film. He brought in savy vets like James Posey and Eddie House.

They were doing everything right. They went on a team trip to Europe for some preseason contests. This was like Rocky discovering Apollo Creeds roots before fighting Clubber Lang. Rocky was devastated at the loss of Micky and he needed something different. He needed to find that special chemistry just like the Celts. Instead of racing through the Pacific Ocean (like Creed and the Stallion) the Celts hung out in Europe.

The Celtics continued to grow and have ripped through a dramatic NBA postseason all the way to the finals.

Amazing! From worst to first. Many national media figureheads predicted a Lakers win. I thought the Celts looked weak at times this postseason and the Lake-show did make it through the West, but defense wins championships and no one has done better defensively then the Celts.

Moving on to critical Game 4. The C's had a 2-1 series advantage, but were being outplayed. This was scary, but then almost out of bad movie. The Celtics came back and one. This was like the Mighty Ducks beating the powerhouse Polish team. Gordon Bombay was not the most credible guy in the world (he coached a under 12 youth hockey team in Eastbumfuckville, Minn. and all the sudden he is coaching the United States Jr. Olympic Team!?!). Neither IS Doc Rivers, but he made every right move. Bombay put the kid that fired the infamous "knuckle puck" shot in a goalie uniform. Doc was not quite this tricky, but he did go small and stretch the floor putting more knock down shooters in.


Now on the verge of NBA glory, Granpa has news (No, he did not have a stroke). He discovered Viagra or something. The Celts are back!


So am I.

State Of the Union

I feel spoiled, revelant, important, part of something grand and spectacular. I am a Boston sports fan.....

When I originally decided to give my anaylsis of Beantown's current state in the sports universe I underestimated the task at hand. I understimated this task soo badly; I felt like the Hans in the original Die Hard when he underestimated John "Yippy-Kiyay-Motherfucking" Mclane.

Bottom Line: I decided to break up the piece. Lets see who should I start with? The Sox, Celts, Bruins, or actually...how about the PATRIOTS. Naturally, I will start with the beloved Pats. When a mother brags about her children, she doesn't talk about how good old Johnny is turning it around after rehab (see Celtics;Bruins). No, she talks about how Timmy is now a partner at the big law firm. We got to put our best foot forward here. So I will begin where the season ended...

"I always tell the girls, 'Never take it too seriously. If you take it to seriously you get hurt.' (Penny Lane, Almost Famous)." As Boston sports fans, we always take it too seriously. We were riding high with our improvable victory over Ladanian Tomlinson and the San Diego Chargers. This was huge. Did we expect anything less? No, not at this point. Tom terrific and the fellas pulled out another one. To add insult to injury Justin Timberlakes "Cry Me a River" was booming in the background of Tomlinson's press conference when he proclaimed the Patriots players were disrespectful in the way they handled their victory. Truely a great moment in Boston sports. Then Indy happened....

We knew our defense was outmatched. We knew we were the underdogs and going into a hostile environment. This was like Rocky going into Russia to battle Drago. Sure, the big bad Russian was all juiced up. But this was Rocky freaking Balboa. The southpaw from Philly who could get knocked down 29 times in the first 3 rounds but still win the fight in a split decision. The guy climbed a mountain to train for that fight. He had to have a chance; we had to have a chance. We had to believe. Just like we believed in every other Super Bowl run.

We came out swinging. A 21-3 start and I could smell Miami. However, the wheels came loose. Inferiority caught up to us. We gave up 32 freaking points in the second half. My stomach was queezy. I was upset for a week. I got over it. Then the Super Bowl happened and I watched Peyton get his ring. Awful. Just awful. I sorta felt how the Yankees felt after the Sox finally triumphed. The thing was I liked being the metephorical Yankees. Always having dominance over that one team who was not always worse, but always managed to disapoint while we basked in glory. Even in years where the Patriots weren't the best we still could laugh in the Colts dismay. And when the Brady/Manning debate raged on; analysts would always be coerced to choose Brady. The reason: Peyton had not one the big one. Well the reign of supremacy was officially over....

A lot of people agree there is no sex like makeup sex. I guess the logical explanation is that both parties still have a little pent up anger that they work off in the sack. I know what you're thinking. "What the hell is he talking about?" Let me get to it. If we work this analogy into the Pats current state we would have to infer that the Indy loss was the WORST breakup in the history of breakups. Because this offseason has been like 3 or 4 months of incredible sex. This like a breakup between you and your girlfriend and she says, 'You know what I am wrong. You are completely right. To make it up to you. My friend and I are going to hibernate with you and have 7 threesomes a day for four months.'

We reloaded at the wide receiver position. Wes Welcer, Donte Stallworth, Kelly Washington all now Patriots. In addition we picked up the best defensive free agent of the offseason in Adalius Thomas. This guy is a beast. He can played multiple roles and is a playmaker. The best part is that Thomas adds to a defense that was already pretty damn good. The glaring weakness was the linebacking group which is aging. With the addition of Thomas we are back on track baby. It seemed Pats were set up pretty well for next season. Then draft day happened.

Our first round selection Brandon Merriweather is best known for beating another football player with his helmet and stomping on him in the infamous brawl in Miami. Not the greatest decision the kid ever made. He came off to the public as cold as Edward Norton when he beat the bag out of Jared Leto in Fight Club. Maybe a blessing in disguise for Pats fans as this caused Merrieweather's stock to drop. Not the best character guy, but he has got a lot of talent. Merriweather was a logical choice because he adds more depth to our secondary which includes an aging Rodney Harrison. Then the Pats made some waves....

The second day of the draft no one really watches unless you are a die hard football fan. One usually looks up the picks the next day just to see which players your team got and if any may have run a bell. The Pats made everyone turn on second-day draft coverage this year though. They traded their fourth round selection for Randy Moss. Randy freaking Moss----a Patriot??? Sure, we had heard rumors floating around. But to see them come to life was as surreal as seeing Janet Jackson's nipple on national television. Could it happen? Yeah, do you expect it--- no way. Moss even took a huge pay cut. I am not sure of the figures but I think he is only making $3.3 million and he was supposed to make around $9 million. On top of that we only had to give up a 4th round pick. The risk/reward here is great and it is a great circumstance all around for both parties. Moss gets to get back on track on his way to Canton here joining a Super Bowl Contender and we....well we get to go 19-0 and become the greatest team ever. If Moss does not acclimate well---we cut him. No big deal for the Pats. They covered all of the angles and it is not like we are losing a great deal of cap room if it does not work out.

I know what the criticism is here. Do these two additions dilude what has been a dynasty built on not only great players, but also commendable people? Not at all. Every dynasty has to have some bad apples along the way. It is not like the Pats are turning into the 90's Cowboys, and are all party animals and reckless. Besides here the system overtakes its parts. Look at examples like Harrison and Corey Dillon. Those guys did not have the best repuations coming into New England, but we cultivated them into our atmosphere. They adapt to us here; we do not make exceptions or adapt to them.


What does this all mean?


Now the Patriots first option at wide receiver, Reche Caldwell, is likely to be the fourth target (behind Moss, Stallworth, and Welcer). What does this do? This gives Tom Terrific more options then ever. I personally see huge breakout seasons coming from Wes Welcer and Ben Watson. Reason: with Moss and Stallworth posing deep threats the middle and underneath routes will be there for the taking. However as his history has shown Brady's favorite receiver is the open one. The only question mark is whether second-year running back Laurence Maroney will display the abilities we saw in him last year at times.

This is the first time Tom Brady has had weapons like this. Big numbers will come; and after our 19-0 season we will be holding our fourth Super Bowl title. Looks like little Timmy just started his own firm....

The Hook!

We'll I finally set this blog up. I know your anticipating great things. And they will come. This first post we will treat as a test. A coming out party to the internet community simply to say: 'Hey, whats up?'

Simple I know. This will predominantly be a sports blog on anything revelant. I will try and post twice a week depending on how much free time I have. Anyways here is the main thing I've learned about the wide world of sports in the past couple days:

Pacman Jones does not get it. This guy has a boat load of talent. I did not get to watch much Titans football this season. However, when they played my Patriots he ran a punt return back. On top of his abilities, he poesses a really cool nickname. Brownie points. Chris Berman does not even have to come up with a cool catch phrase for highlights. The guy just makes the noise that character in the video game "Pac-Man" makes when he eats all that shizz up.

Unfortunately for Adam (yes I am stripping him of his cool nickname) he has been arrested 723 times this offseason. This lead to commissioner Roger Goddell suspending him for the season. Anyone who can make it "rain" in Vegas is the man in my book, but lets face it ADAM just does not get it. This is evident of his entourage being involved in another shooting incident. I know I know , Adam Jones was not directly involved with this situation but the guy needs to get his stuff together. You hang out with shit long enough you start to smell like it.

Jesus, well either way look out for a post tomorrow. Where yes, I will be spending time talking about the state of the Boston sports world. I will be critical, subjective, and totally unrealistic. Should be a good time. And everyone say a prayer for Adam Jones.